Errington residents were briefly rattled this week after a large, hairy figure was spotted outside the Errington General Store, forcing locals to ask the obvious question: was it Sasquatch, or just someone from Coombs who had not yet had coffee?

Witnesses say the creature appeared calm, polite, and extremely aware of where the pepperoni sticks are kept — which immediately narrowed the investigation to either Bigfoot or a man who has been shopping there since 1987.

The sighting happened near the front of the store, close enough to the ice freezer to suggest the legendary forest dweller may have been preparing for a long weekend, a camping trip, or simply the emotional burden of reading grocery prices in 2026.

“He didn’t cause trouble,” said one witness. “He just stood there, looked at the snack selection, and gave off the energy of someone who knows every back road between Errington and Hilliers.”

Early analysis suggests the creature was approximately seven feet tall, covered in fur, and deeply disappointed the Nanaimo bars were not more prominently displayed.

Residents are advised not to panic. If you encounter Sasquatch, remain calm, do not make sudden movements, and never get between him and the deli pepperoni. That is not fear. That is Island wisdom.

The Errington General Store, long known as a community landmark, now joins the proud ranks of Vancouver Island places where something weird could happen and nobody would be that surprised.

As for Sasquatch, he was last seen heading toward the trees, carrying snacks, ice, and the quiet dignity of a man who paid cash and did not want a receipt.

Grant Marlowe’s verdict: “If this is fake, it is still more believable than half the parking decisions we have covered this month.”